We appear to be heading into a time when more and more parents are embracing what is referred to as "natural parenting". Although touted as a "new" approach to parenting, the practice of responding naturally to our children's biological and psychological expectations is really age-old.
Also referred to as "attachment parenting" or "continuum parenting", after Jean Liedloff's ground-breaking book The Continuum Concept, natural parenting encourages us to trust our children's physical and emotional needs as being natural and developmentally appropriate, and to respond to them accordingly. There is increasing scientific evidence that these needs must be met for them to achieve optimal physical and emotional development.
For a baby, these needs are quite specific:
- to be constantly carried or otherwise in constant physical contact with his mother or other primary caregiver until the crawling stage
- to breastfeed on demand in response to his own body's signals
- to be allowed to sleep close to his mother until he is ready to sleep alone (often not earlier than age two)
- to be allowed to simply observe (or nurse, or sleep) while the person carrying him goes about his/her own business
- to have caregivers resond immediately to his signals to sleep, eliminate, nurse, etc. without making him the center of attention
- to sense and have the opportunity to fulfil societal expectations that he is innately social and cooperative
According to Liedloff, "Infants whose continuum needs are fulfilled during the early, in-arms phase grow up to have greater self-esteem and become more independent than those whose cries go unanswered for fear of 'spoiling' them or making them too dependent." (see Understanding the Continuum Concept for more information)
Although the terms are often used interchangeably, continuum parenting actually takes attachment parenting a step further. Attachment parenting focuses on the fundamental childcare practices of breastfeeding, co-sleeping and babywearing in the immediate (nuclear) family. However, in fulfilling these needs, it is important not to place too much focus and attention on the baby, or the dynamic can become rather child-centred.
Continuum parenting is based on the premise that "humans have evolved to develop (naturally and with little interference) within a wholistic context that expands outwards from mama's arms to the family to the tribe to the natural world" (thanks to "flowmom" for this definition). It is based on a profound respect for self and others and a recognition that all people, not just babies, have exactly the same fundamental needs -- the same biological expectations as did our pre-agricultural revolution human ancestors.
Continuum parenting puts the focus on the fact that child-rearing specifically and living in general in a community of extended family or "tribe" is an innate human need. We are born with expectations of our continuum for sociality and we have an instinctual desire to be a (useful) part of the Whole which leads to a natural respect and intrinsic regard for all members of the group -- children and adults alike.
For me, continuum parenting means striving for a just balance of authority and leadership, a balance that only comes when I am feeling centred. And feeling centred often depends on receiving support and ensuring my own needs are met. I strive towards accepting What Is, staying in the moment as much as possible with my children -- leaving behind coercion but NOT unconditional love.
